August 28, 2018 | Annie Salness | 54 Comments | Blog
I am so lucky and blessed to have so much going for me: My kids are happy and successful and all doing well, and I have a husband who loves and supports me. My stroke could have been much worse and I am so grateful that it wasn’t.
BUT today was hard.
And I feel foolish as I sit here and write with tears in my eyes. But it’s still hard.
We bought a scooter…a real challenge for me.
My husband, Lad, loving the camera!
Just the fact that we were able to buy it is something I am so thankful for. Because I honestly don’t need it.
While we’re a one-car family, I can always take a Lyft (that can get expensive); or I can get a ride (I don’t want to impose); or I can walk to the grocery store and the gym (it takes almost an hour and I’m exhausted by the time I get there.)
So, it’s going to be great to have the scooter for trips like this and it’s going to make getting around so much easier than it is now.
My husband asked if I was excited about it, and I said, “Well, yes and no.”
Yes, because it will make things easier.
No, because this is the first time in eight years that I’m realizing I probably won’t get much better.
As an athlete, I kept treating my “stroke thing” like it was a sprained ankle and I could eventually work through it. Maybe everybody else knew that I wouldn’t fully recover. I was determined to prove them wrong.
For all these years, I kept telling myself…
I am smarter than this little “stroke thing”.
I am going to work out enough.
I am going to fully recover.
They don’t know me and what I’m capable of!
I felt defeated when the scooter arrived—like this is my admission that I’m not going to fully recover.
Am I letting my kids down? Am I letting my husband down?
OK, Annie, (I tell myself) enough of this!
I am grateful for so much.
That I’m able to walk.
That I’m able to talk, laugh, and make art.
That my children and husband are happy and healthy—and they all give me so much support.
That we have the means to buy a scooter, and that it will help me get around independently.
That as much as life after a stroke can suck, I wouldn’t change a thing and know that we’ve all grown stronger and closer in the last eight years.
Lad’s trying it out and loving it! I’m trying to get used to it.
And I know I will eventually feel grateful for the scooter itself– it’s just going take some time.
